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19th June 2012

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Helen and John's Story - Facing Consequences

"I was a recently divorced mother of three children and we had moved into a new home. One New Year’s Day I discovered all four tyres on my car were flat, I was devastated. It was snowing heavily; we were going to visit my elderly father who lived six miles away. Everywhere was closed. I didn’t know my neighbours well enough to bother them on their Bank Holiday. All four tyres had been slashed. It was the start of things to come.

Over the next nine months my car was badly damaged on eleven separate occasions and stolen and dumped three times. I lay awake at night praying that my car would be left alone. I didn’t know what to do to stop it happening. Were they watching me at night waiting for me to turn the lights out so that they could come back? I then left my lights on. Did they know me or my children? Had I upset a neighbour without knowing? Was it because I lived alone? Would I be able t o get the children to school in the morning and could I get to work?

"I felt angry, scared and inadequate all at the same time."

When one morning my car as broken into and the radio stolen I was delighted and relieved. I still had my car! But this relief did not last long. Collecting my daughter later that night the damaged wires left behind from the theft caused my car to catch fire. My daughter was in the back of my two–door car - terrified. We were on an unlit road and I had no mobile phone or phone box nearby so I couldn't even call the fire brigade.

Finally three offenders were caught stealing my car. They had driven at 60mph in a 30mph zone and had ‘written off’ my car after being followed by a police car. I gave a statement and presumed that was the end of the matter. I had no car now and no money. I desperately wanted to know why they had done this to me but presumed I would never know. 

I then received a telephone call form Thames Valley Police. Two of the offenders had been charged and the third was to receive a caution. I was asked if I would like to consider attending a conference where I would meet the offender and his parents and talk to him about the effects his actions had had on myself and my family. 
 
This would be in the safe environment of a police station. I didn’t need to think about it for long. I wanted to ask the offender why he had done this and to tell him of the effects on my family, and how much time and money it had cost me. I didn’t know what would happen during the conference and what the offender or his parents would be like. I went alone feeling nervous and anxious. What would I say? What would his attitude be? Would he tell me the truth? 
 
I was shown into the conference room and made comfortable by the facilitator, Stuart. I could not believe how nervous I felt, but was reassured this was quite normal. When the offender came in with his family I could see they were nervous too which made me feel better. Stuart began by asking the offender to tell everyone what has happened. He sunk into his chair whilst he told us the events of that evening. As he spoke the questions that were in my head were beginning to be answered and I hadn’t yet said a word.
 
"My imagination was replaced with reality and I began to relax."
 
He was uncomfortable talking but carried on anyway, he was left to take his time and gradually the whole story came out. The more honest I believed John* was being the better I felt. When I was asked what had happened I was equally honest and it was not difficult to talk. I felt a huge release. It was a very emotional experience for everyone. John’s father was a big man, full of anger and frustration, John’s mother cried almost throughout. Stuart guided the meeting without anyone really noticing he was there. 

John began to look me in the eye towards the end and his mum stopped crying. I was asked what I wanted out of the conference? I had already received what I need without asking – an apology. As soon as he looked at me and said how sorry he was for what he had done I felt a hundred times better. He was not only apologising for stealing my car but also for the consequences of his actions. He was absolutely horrified when he heard what had happened to my family. He realised he had actually done far more than he ever intended. 
 
Weeks later I saw John at my local newsagents. We stopped and spoke to one another and I asked him how things were going. It was a pleasure for me to hear how much better things were in his life. He still had problems but he was confident and determined not to re-offend. He felt much better about himself. 
 
The other two offenders attended court, received a conditional discharge and taunted my children about how they ‘got off with it’. I felt that when John attended the meeting with me he did not ‘get off with it’ but faced up to the consequences of his actions, which required strength of character on his part and helped me enormously. 
 
No one could have convinced me in words that this process would have made such a difference to how I was feeling. My faith in the police was restored. After the conference, I started sleeping again and could switch the light off at night for the first time in months."
 
Names have been changed to protect identity
 

18th Dec 2004 | Victims, Criminal damage, Case Study, Theft