In Other News

Header Image

David's Story

David Rogers is the father of Adam Rogers. This is David’s story.

“Adam was 24 when he died. He’d recently moved back to our home in Blackburn, at the end of May 2009. He had found a job locally and was looking forward to coaching  the local ladies football team. He’d settled in well at home and we were glad to have him back with us for a while. Life was looking good.

That Saturday night he’d arranged to meet up with some friends. Pat and I were going away that day for a couple of weeks holiday in Malta. It was the first day of Pat’s retirement. Adam was around helping us with the packing, being his usual cheerful self, looking forward to his evening out. He took us to the airport that afternoon in time for our evening flight. As we said our goodbyes I gave him a hug, and told him to drive carefully, as I always did.”Don’t worry”, he said. It was the last time we heard his voice or saw him alive.

Adam went into town to meet up with his friends. They ended up in a bar called the ‘Live Lounge.’ At the end of the evening Adam was sitting on a bench outside the bar with two of his friends Chris and Carl waiting for some of his other friends to show up. Another group of young people were there – two 19 year olds and their girlfriends and a 16 year old boy. One of the girls came up to the bench and sat down behind Carl. When he turned round to talk to her the 16 yr old shouted at him. Chris and Carl responded and the exchanges became very heated. Adam and Chris eventually calmed the situation down and the three of them walked away to meet up with their returning friends. Unfortunately, when the other group left they went in the same direction and when the two groups met up again the 16 year old – egged on by the others -   provoked an incident that led to Carl being attacked by one of the older youths. CCTV footage shows that at this point Adam was between the fight and the 16 yr old and that when the boy came back towards the fight, Adam, with his arms outstretched sideways, shepherded him away from it. As the lad walked away Adam walked with him, slightly behind him, trying to calm him down. Suddenly the boy turned round and swung a heavy punch to Adam’s head. Adam was knocked straight back and unable to protect himself his head hit the ground first.

It was six o’clock in the morning when the phone went in Malta. It was Adam’s younger brother Jamie calling from the hospital. He said Adam had been attacked and was very seriously injured. The doctor who was with him explained how serious it was and told us to come back as soon as possible. We left straight away, got the only flight back, and got back to Blackburn at lunchtime. Adam was in critical care, and the waiting area was full of our family, friends, and Adam’s friends. We went in to see him and he looked so peaceful, he looked like he was just sleeping and could wake up at any moment. It was very hard.

The medical staff had waited for us to get back to do any final tests. When they did the tests they told us there was no brain activity, and that he was just being kept alive by the machines.

We knew immediately that we were in a very dark place and that we had to do something positive, or this could destroy us. The first thing that happened was that the doctors asked us if we would speak to the transplant team, and I remembered Adam filling in his first application for a drivers license and saying definitely he would want to be a donor. It was our first chance to ensure that something good, something positive, could come from Adam’s death.

Over the next few days we started to think of ways to channel our anger and grief into something that could do some good. We felt it was important to try and get a message across to young people that incidents like the one that led to Adam’s death are senseless and avoidable. We wanted to try to change attitudes so that violent behavior was not accepted as a normal part of a night out. We decided that we would use Adam’s story as the basis of an education package and we called our campaign ‘Every Action Has Consequences’.

More or less at the same time I came to a very personal decision. Straight after Adam died I told the Police that I wanted to meet the boy – Billy - who had hit him. The police were a bit surprised, as they were mostly used to doing restorative justice with much lesser crimes, but I soon convinced them that I was serious about it.

I already knew about restorative justice from reading about cases where it had been applied. I agreed with it in principle because it seemed to me that in the right circumstances it could meet the needs of both the victim and the offender. In my case, I felt it would above all, meet the need I had to confront Adam’s attacker. I wanted him to know how angry I was at the way he had behaved that night. He needed to know too, the added pain that he had caused by pleading not guilty.

Billy had admitted straight away he’d punched Adam, but he also said Adam had threatened him, and in Court he denied it was manslaughter, and claimed he acted in self-defence. This only added to our anger and grief, because everyone who knew Adam knew he was a natural peacemaker. He had never been in a fight or threatened anyone. In other circumstances we would have laughed at the very idea.

So this was another thing I was so angry about, and I wanted to confront Billy with. Not only that we had to deal with the loss of our son, but also that we had to face the trauma of a trial, and then a picture being painted of Adam that wasn’t him, that wasn’t true.

When I first wanted to meet him I didn’t have any great hopes that he would agree to it. But as the news began to filter through about the progress he was making I began to realise I could have a more positive encounter with him than I had expected at the start. I learned that he wanted to meet me. He wanted to apologise. I wrote to him before I met him, and he wrote back and said he was willing to answer any questions I had.

That was the something else that was important to me. As well as confronting him there were questions I wanted the chance to ask about things that hadn’t come out at the trial - and it gave me the chance to get answers to those questions. I wanted to understand why anyone would hit Adam? Why would anyone ever feel threatened by Adam? What did he remember about that night?

The meeting took place in the prison, while Billy was still serving his sentence. We all signed a confidentiality clause about what happened in the meeting itself, so I can’t reveal any details. But what I can say is that from the meeting I got information that helped me to understand much better what had happened, and that really helped. Someone once said “to understand everything is to forgive everything.” I don’t know who it was, but I do believe understanding is very important. I think we are beholden to try to understand as much as we can because you can’t make a proper judgement about anything unless you do.

There are some people who find it hard to understand why I wanted to meet Billy. There is still a lot of anger around among friends and family, but everyone, whatever their personal views, agrees that Adam would have wanted me to do this. Adam always looked for the best in people and it was in his nature to resolve conflict and to sort things out.

One of the aims of our charity is to get that message out there about who Adam was, and how he lived his life, and I know that this is how Adam would have wanted things to be.

I hope the meeting has had a positive effect on Billy. I hope it’s helped him to face up to his responsibility in what happened, and to put his life back together. Pat and I both said after the trial, Adam’s life is gone, but we don’t want to see another life ruined. So that is what I hope will happen out of the meeting we had. I know his life chances will be affected by what’s happened, but he does now have a choice now about how he lives the rest of his life. It’s up to him what he makes of it.

The restorative justice meeting gave me the opportunity to confront him with the impact it had had on us, and on all the family and Adam’s friends, especially those who were with him that night. The impact of Adam’s death had on all their lives. I think that surprised him, as he hadn’t thought about the wider consequences.

Also it was very important to me that he knew who Adam was, because that hadn’t come out truly at the trial. I needed to do that - he needed to know, as far as I was concerned. I took photographs of Adam along and told him about the person Adam was, how he lived his life.

After the meeting, I felt I understood more about exactly what happened and why, which was very helpful in that it diffused the anger. It doesn’t help with the grief, but it does help with the anger. I can think about Billy now without getting angry, and that does make a difference.

Not just for Billy’s sake, but for Adam’s sake, I want the impact of the meeting to be positive. Adam always had a good influence on everyone he knew. And I would like him to still have that influence now. I would like Billy in the rest of his life, to think of Adam, and for Adam to make a positive difference in his life, because that’s the person Adam was.

Adam never thought badly of anyone. He was always ready to help and never let anyone down. He had time for everyone, young or old. Every time I tell Adam’s story to young people in schools or offenders in prison I feel he is still having that positive effect on people’s lives, the way he always did. And that’s what keeps me going.

.

17th Nov 2011 | Case Study, Forgiveness | RJC

Further Reading